Dear Boobies (an open letter)

Dear Boobies,

I’ve noticed lately that you’ve been looking a little droopy. We’ve been through so much together. From those first days at age 12 when you arrived far ahead of schedule and much larger than those of girls older than I. Our first few years were hard. Because of you I endured such taunts as “Look who’s wearing an over the shoulder boulder holder” and “Be careful or you’ll fall over”. I have to admit that at first I didn’t like you very much.
Then came the good years. It was great to be 17 years old and cup size C. I think that you are largely to thank for the B+ I got in Mr. Bradley’s biology class. The grand old gentleman spent a lot of time stooped over my shoulder “helping” me with my desk work. I mean who ever heard of someone getting a grade like that when they seldom turned in homework or got better than a C on a quiz? You saved me from many ugly pin on corsages. Most of my dates opting for the wrist style after the first boy had a run in with my dad about pinning flowers to my chest in his presence.

In my late teens and early 20s your mere presence was key to many of my adventures. I doubt I would have been stopped on the beach in San Diego and asked to be on the MTV beach show if you hadn’t filled out my neon bikini top so well.

Then came the first of my four children and our relationship changed. Who’d have known you were so multitalented? Or that this new stage of our relationship would be so fulfilling I thank you every time I see the price of formula in a store or look at my healthy kids.
So why is it that you’ve strayed so far away from me? Is my belly button that interesting? Have I offended you in some way? Okay, I know I could stand to loose some weight. But I just lost over 50 pounds and all you did was go squishy on me and sprout deep stretch marks. All the while remaining your unmanageable size DD. Is this your way of pouting about the lack of choices out there for bras in our size? Trust me I too wish we could find more cute as well as functional foundation garments. I suppose the only people who need lift and separation are those that do not require support as well.

I wish I could find a way to perk you up again. If you’ve got any ideas please share them me now. For I fear our only hope involves a sharp knife and 2 to 3 weeks recovery time.

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