Squirrel Wars part II (the saga continues)

War can turn even the most level headed and intelligent man into a crazed lunatic.

This epic battle has turned my husband into just this. The foam failed (see installment one for details). Even putting our own Miss Coco Chanel Kitty out on THE ROOF to chase away the rodent scourge fell short of a win. Not to mention after she chased after the insurgents, she spent 15 minutes trying to find a way down from the roof. Finally our War Lord (my husband) had to send his valiant lieutenant (#1, our 15 year old son) out on the roof to rescue the cat. But dear reader this is not the lunacy of which I intend to tell you about, no this was just the lull in the storm of insanity. Say with me now our plea/chant for sanity “Call a roofer! Call a roofer!”…

The depths of my husband’s madness find further lows. I came upon him in the kitchen, a pair of grooming scissors in one hand and #2’s (our 9 yr old) old FurReal Friends motion activated animated cat in the other. In fear of the answer I did not ask the obvious question, “What are you doing”. I simply stood there watching him trim the faux fur from around the cat’s plastic eyes. Noticing my presence, he paused to ask me if I knew where the thick black sharpie marker was. Left with no other choice I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to “paint” the fake cat black and white (it was already a dingy white hue). Once again, with no choice left, I was compelled to ask why. The shock of his reply still echos in my ears (followed by copious laughter)..

“So the squirrels think it looks more realistic. I’m going to put it in the litter box so it smells like a cat. When they get near it, it will meow and move. That should scare them away from the nest they made in the roof.” That’s it the king has lost his marbles!! But no dear readers this is NOT the end of this tale of deepening insanity!!! When asked why he was clipping the faux fur, his response was “So that they can see it’s eyes”.. I found myself envisioning three squirrel’s standing near this fake cat, in poses reminiscent of Project Runway judges saying to each other “I don’t know Steve, I think the eyes are plastic not glass”.. “Come on , Marge, you have to admit that the stripes are just over the top”…

Wait it gets better, if that is the right word for this, when he finally puts the cat on the roof near the hole the squirrels have whittled out of our roof… mind you he does this when I’m out of the house so I can’t yell at him for endangering himself and our son to put a fake cat on the roof instead of CALLING A ROOFER!!!!! The cat activates and starts crawling down the slope of the roof!!!!!! Foiled again, I’m sure he is planning his next volley in this ongoing war of wits (Squirrels 10 Husband 0). And in answer to your question, no the roofer hasn’t been called in yet.

Stay tuned for updates

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