Part Two

Alright so I went and shot off my mouth prematurely yesterday, shocker I know! However, I personally believe that any day is ripe for pitchin’ a fit. Why must we limit ourselves to Friday? I’ll confess I was just going to let it go. Post some gushy have a great weekend lazy crud today. After all I’m still suffering from the Coney Island crap. Of all the germs one could pick up in Brooklyn though I guess I got off rather easy with just a nasty head cold. Then the Gods of “are you freakin’ kidding me?!” smiled upon me. Thus saving all of you from some mushy insincere “have a great weekend” drivel. (It would have only been insincere because when I’m sick I think that everyone else should join me in my misery)

In the space of 5 minutes, whilst watching my 13.7 minutes of grown up TV before the offspring emerge from their regeneration cycles to once again commandeer the TV in the name off all things Nick, I was subjected to no less than 213 products with the prefix Hydra (or a variation of that) in them.

It occurred to me that perhaps we’ve collectively forgotten all the wealth of lessons learned in 7th grade with regard to Greek mythology. They were hocking Hydroxitone to make us old crones look 87 years younger by using audio of husbands gushing over how great their wives NOW looked. Um I don’t see any BowFlex ads with wives voicing over video of their pot bellied husbands as they crunch their way to tranforming into that hot shirtless BowFlex guy! Then there was Hydroxylift, for those of us hags with turkey neck (yes I fall into that category so I can say hag with full authority). And let us fatties not forget the miracle potion that was Hydroxycut. Sure you’ll need a new kidney or maybe even a liver transplant. But you’ll end up looking all skinny and cute just like LulaBell from Arkansas, IF they wheel you out of the O.R. with a pulse!

I’m thinking maybe these product naming gurus need to go read a bit. I for one refuse to purchase any product with the Hydr-a or Hydr-o prefix because I have no desire to look anything like THIS…


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