11:04 PM Sunday April 4th: Note to self, set alarm for 5:45 AM so you can get on the
evil human equivalent of a hamster wheel treadmill for at least an hour tomorrow morning. This will reduce the size of your butt in a miraculous 2 weeks.. yes you ARE the only person alive for whom this will actually work no matter what “they” say.. listen to me, the voice inside your head. When have I ever steered you wrong? Well okay that second helping of lemon chiffon cake, my bad, but this time I’m serious.
5:45 AM Monday April 5th: What the HELL is that ungodly racket, kill it.. KILL IT!
5:55 AM Monday April 5th: There it goes again. Didn’t I tell you to kill it? Geesh really it’s not like I ask for soooo much. I just wanted a few more minutes of the whole Mrs. Robinson gig with Robert Pattinson.
6:05 AM Monday April 5th: Okay obviously nobody could be bothered to execute the alarm, so I’m up. Gotta get #1 up any way, his bus leaves in 25 minutes. Thank God for the grooming habits of the 16 year old male, otherwise I’d be up at o-dark-thirty.. oh wait I AM, ugh. (knocking on said teen’s door. NOT wondering why he felt it was necessary to lock the dam thing) “Honey, time to get up. I’ll be in the basement on the treadmill. Be sure to say goodbye”.
6:20 AM Monday April 5th: Sitting on the sofa, only one running shoe on, contemplating the health benefits of Twitter vs Treadmill. Wait a minute, where is the teen? Dam, he’s gonna miss the bus. Then I’ll have to drive him and I really wanted to be on the treadmill. Dam dam DAM! Hoisting myself up the stairs to fetch teen. This counts as exercise right? “Boo you missed the freakin’ bus. WHY are you not up?!”. Teen “God Mom there is no school until tomorrow. Spring break DUH!”
6:22 (and 2/3) AM Monday April 5th: What, no school? How did I miss that?! Alright then off to the mill I go. Wait what’s that sound? Is that t-shirt sheets and the soft cajoling sound of an air purifying system? Okay maybe just short return to Robert. Then I promise, I’m on the treadmill.
8:30 AM Monday April 5th: Waaa Hooo for Spring break! I think I’ll go write a blog post, have some coffee and see what’s up with the weather hunk. (silently the butt expands a smidgen more )