Lament of the Legume

I love mornings. That is after I’ve negotiated another ten minutes out of the alarm clock and had a heart-to-heart with my Keurig. I think it has something to do with the unspoken promise held in the dawning of a new day. Things could go great, or not. You never know. So for a few minutes each day I allow myself to indulge in possibilities.

Today I could win the lottery. More likely I’ll end up with five bucks worth of scratch-off dust on the kitchen floor, which I will then have to sweep up.

This afternoon all the kids could walk through the front doors with smiles on their faces, eager to tell me about their wonderful day at school while they nosh on a fresh baked cookie before bounding off to tackle their homework. Some part of me accepts reality. It knows that they’ll arrive at the door, toss their backpacks on the floor, demand snacks (thank you Keebler elves) and berate me for sending them to that evil place where they are forced into learning by trolls who bite the heads off puppies. Yet for those few moments in the morning, I have hope.

Perhaps, as evening falls my husband will arrive early, dinner in hand, offers of a hot bath and an hour to myself resting upon his lips. NOT!

Then there are mornings like today. In which my peaceful delusion pondering is cut short.

scene: 7:00 am. The breakfast table. Child number three (6 years old) sitting in front of his meal. Mother staring into her coffee conjuring visions of spas and books without illustrations.

Child: “English muffin and peanut-butter, for breakfast?”

Mother: “You like peanut-butter. And it has lots of protein your body needs to grow strong.”

Child: “Bugs have protein. I don’t eat them for breakfast.”

Mother: “True. Would you like to eat them? Because I could arrange that. Now eat your peanut-butter.”

Child proceeds to eat. Half way through the muffin child begins spitting chewed globs of said muffin onto the plate.

Mother: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!”

Child: “I can’t eat that it’s gross!”

Mother: “It’s just PEANUT! BUTTER!”

Child: “But I just bit into a peanut.. HOW GROSS! How do they expect people to eat peanut-butter if it has chunks of peanut inside it? It’s not right!”

With that my morning musings came to a crashing halt. After all what hope is there for a world in which you find a peanut in your peanut-butter?

FIN

3 thoughts on “Lament of the Legume”

  1. Aaaahh… The age old battle of smooth vs crunchy peanut butter rears it’s ugly head. For the record I like them both.

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