5 Tips for the Perfect Holiday

1) Start planning early.

Tell your in-laws in July that you bought tickets for a holiday cruise. (holiday cruise tickets optional)

2) Make lists.

I start with the one that includes the cheap asshats who haven’t sent us so much as a card in the last five years.

3) Get the kids involved.

I choose to involve mine by borrowing some of Santa’s techniques. I put them to work making toys I can sell to SprawlMart at a hefty markup, because I know parents will pay anything to make their kids shut up happy.

4) Share the holiday spirit.

Might I suggest a bedazzled hip flask? It’s both festive and easily concealed. 

5) Never forget to thank those you love.

Thank you Ryan Reynolds, your abs alone are worth celebrating.

No matter what holiday you celebrate, please don’t forget to include your pets. After all they are God’s furry family members too.

Peace on Earth and Snausages for ALL!

 

3 thoughts on “5 Tips for the Perfect Holiday”

  1. I was just wondering what I was going to bring to my book club’s Holiday gathering this week for the Secret Santa present, and now I know. A bedazzled hip flask. Boom!

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