At the close of each year people start posting, tweeting, blogging and even talking (as in to each other, in person even) about their New Years Resolutions. While I acknowledge the storied tradition of declaring what one wishes to resolve to do -or not do- at the start of each new year, I firmly reject the term “resolution”.
Resolution seem such a limiting word. It has a certain finality to it. Once something is resolved there really isn’t much point in continuing. If life is a journey, I certainly am not looking forward to the resolution.
2012 was quite a year in the journey I am on. For some time I have been in the midst of a spiritual crisis of sorts. Never much for organized religion I still considered myself a person of deep conviction and spirituality, though I have never really felt compelled to wear my beliefs on my sleeve. Slowly, almost without my noticing, a deep negativity started to seep in. Where I would once try to approach a problem or situation with an open mind, I began to simply write things -even people- off. I allowed myself the excuse of being so wrapped in the busy life I lead that I couldn’t slow down little things. The big things like; love, family, health, success and friendship became abstracts, buzzwords that we’re all expected to adopt and implore with abandon.
My oldest child, the being who first opened my eyes to true love in this world, left the nest. It wasn’t the tear-filled, hopeful departure for a life of chasing his dreams that I had hoped it would be. I knew -and know- his departure was necessary for his growth, but I logged it as a failure in the inner ledger I keep that tabulates my shortcomings. My professional life grew in many ways and failed in a few others. Old relationships fell by the wayside. I began to feel I was failing my kids (naturally my teenaged daughter was happy to remind me of this, ha ha) and my marriage. So many things in my world and in the world we share seemed to be resolving themselves in ways that were negative, at times horrific and all to often, final. Then a dear friend of mine, the “Bernie” to my “Elton” called me out. She opened my eyes, brought me back to my spirituality and inspired me to never again make a resolution.
From now on I start each year with an “Evolution”. I want evolve not resolve. Evolve into a better person, the wife I want for my amazing husband, the mother my kids deserve, a writer who touches others, a friend who lifts you up when you are low, a person of strength who gives of herself with abandon, reveling in the light and standing against the dark.
In 2013 I will evolve in…
- Remembering that everyone I come into contact with carries their own burden. I will do my best to lessen that burden.
- Feeding my body better and my soul more fully.
- My understanding that they treadmill is going nowhere, getting on the dam thing is the only way to make it shut up and stop nagging.
- Letting go. I will NEVER be a good house keeper, completely organized, drink decaf or love Mondays.
- Leaving behind something good in all my travels, be it a note, a tip, a hug or something of more substance.
- Being a person who takes time in each day to be thankful for at least one thing.
- The ability to enjoy my successes, learn from my failures and rejoice in the success of others.
Fear not, I do believe that their is still room in any evolutionary journey for humor and sarcasm. I promise not to shave my head, go bra-less and start wearing a dashiki. I could never give up shoes, hair dye or underwire!
Dish, what to is your New Years Evolution?
Happy New Year!