Category Archives: humor

Road Trips

“The air was soft, the stars so fine, the promise of every cobbled alley so great, that I thought I was in a dream.”
– Jack Kerouac

Ah, road trips. Growing up, my parents were keen to hit the road with the three of us in tow. They were then and still are adventurers, wandering souls, Flower Children in search of that bit of zen that growing up in the 60s had promised them.

My brothers and I were the beneficiaries of this wanderlust.  By the time I’d turned ten I had stood in awe of mysteries of The Thing, met many a stoic carved Chief at the entrance to endless “trading” posts, and ate more than my fair share of car-snacks and roadside taffy.  If it was the World’s Biggest ______,  a ghost town or even a dinosaur, we detoured to check it out. 

Getting up in the wee hours, watching as dad loaded the family wagon with that Coleman cooler and more bags than people was somehow magical. Hitting the road was a sort of alchemy that changed the very atmosphere. The air smelled different on those early mornings. Light filtered through the car windows making the ordinary seem more like a kaleidoscope   

All the things that drove mom nuts on a daily basis at home somehow had diminished impact when we were on the road. Even my younger brothers transformed, no longer annoying little ogres. Jam-sodden bread became a delicacy worthy of at least one Michelin star.

The destination didn’t really matter all that much, it was the getting there that got to me. Deep in the very fabric of a growing young traveler the seeds of wanderlust took hold. 

Traveling back then was certainly different from what it is these days. Many of those roadside wonders have faded into the background, sun faded and abandoned. My kids don’t know the simple joy of singing 100 Bottles of Beer on The Wall to the point of exhaustion. It might be a good thing that their devices keep them from playing Punch Buggy. But I’m left to wonder if, even though they are far more traveled than I was at their ages if they’ve missed out on something magical about childhood. 

Do you have memories of special childhood road trips? What there a roadside attraction that amazed (or disappointed) you?  I’d love to hear all about them. Shared stories are better than any souvenir – well except for that magnet I got at the Grand Canyon circa 1970something.  

 

 

5 Ways to Stay Productive When Snowed In

5 ways to stay productive when snowed in

It’s happening again, my friends. Weather Prognosticators are all aflutter with “news” of impending doom in the coming days. Could we be in for another snowmageddon? Maybe a reprisal of snowpocalypse? Shall snowzilla himself rise once again from his frozen lair to reek havoc? 

In anticipation of yet another storm system of epic proportions, I’ve revived this post as a public service. Here are my tried and true; 5 ways to stay productive when snowed in.  

5 ways to stay productive when snowed in

 

1. Stick to a Schedule

Hold yourself accountable for how time is spent. You may find that getting things done isn’t quite as hard as you thought.

Getting out of bed at 11 am is perfectly acceptable. You’ll still have time to binge-watch Netflix and finish off an entire bag of Cheetos. If you schedule smartly, wine time will come even sooner than you’d hoped.

2. Let Yourself be Creative

Feel like you’re always rushing through the work that needs to be done and just have zero time for any creative outlet? Use this time to allow some reconnection with your creative side. This sort of cathartic activity can help boost productivity.

Whipping up voodoo dolls in disturbing likenesses to friends who live in Arizona and find it humorous to point out that 71°  is their typical winter day is not only creative but therapeutic. As you stab pins into the little sucker remember that summer is coming.

3. Stay on Top of Small Tasks

The volume of laundry that needs to be done when there are 30 inches of snow on the ground can be staggering. Tossing those soggy items into the wash right away will keep them from piling up and sucking valuable time from your day.

Alternately, if they do happen to pile up just toss a clean, dry blanket on top of them. Climb into your Snuggy {we both know you have one, no judgment here} and nap. Repeat items in step one to maximize effectiveness.

4. Exercise

Even a short workout can help you focus, stay on task and get things done. Not to mention it is good for your all total sense of wellbeing when stuck indoors for several days. 

Might I suggest a power walk from the sofa to the fridge and back?

5. Take Time to Organize

Countless studies have proven the beneficial impact that organization can have on your health, productivity and overall happiness. Use some of this time you’ll be stuck at home to organize your workspace, clear out your email, cull the clutter and tackle the organizational tasks you just don’t usually have time for.

An organized bar and/or wine cellar will help you ensure that you never find yourself short on stock… you know, in case the blizzard of the freaking century hits!

 

 

 

Caption This: Giveaway

I take too many pictures. There, I’ve confessed. Now that we have that out of the way I’ll make my case for why I feel that, in fact, there is no such thing. 

Snapping away on a recent hike in Maryland’s Patapsco Valley this gem made the roll. It was in a burst series I was using in hopes of getting the damn dog to look at me. As the song goes; you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. 

I needed this laugh. Now I need a caption for the image. That’s where you come in. 

Help me find a great caption for this one and I’ll treat you to what you might need… like a $10 Starbucks gift card. Leave as many comments as you’d like. Each will be an entry. Let’s have some fun and laugh together! 

 

Quotes to Live and Heal by…

MLK quotes to live and heal byEvery morning starts pretty much the same. Coax myself out from under the covers. Do the getting ready thing, then coffee and news. Lately the news makes me want to Irish up that coffee. So much anger, negativity, pain. My new routine has me searching for some kindness, humanity, hope before I can go on with my day.

I’ve found that quotes are sometimes like anchors, pulling you back to light. I collect them and keep them near. They don’t always do the trick, but taking a few minutes to center my thoughts certainly seems better than allowing them to spiral into sadness or despair.

Don’t go thinking that it’s all hearts and flowers, or yoga mantras. I funny or snarky quote can do the trick too. Also, having friends who “get” your sense of humor helps. One of my favorite sanity breaks is pinning to the board of quotes I created for my bestie, Ri ~ Quotes and Inspiration for Bernie

With today being the day we celebrate the greatness, humility and humanity that was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I thought some quotes to live and heal by may be in order. His words never cease to inspire me and restore my faith that humanity can be found if we choose to tap into it, to be champions of doing the right thing, to walk tall and speak of love alongside justice.

I believe there is a teacher, profit, leader in each of us. It starts with the words we choose to allow into our lives. All it takes is to choose those that have meaning to us, accept them and incorporate them into how we live. 

Accept. Take action…. on my second cup now. See, that was easy!

quotes to live and heal by

 

The Oath of True Friendship

The Oath of True Friendship was originally written on the momentous occasion marking the day LONG ago on which Mrs. Blais graced the world by birthing her youngest daughter. A woman who would go on to achieve heights as meteoric as being anointed my Very Bestest Buddy…  Ri.

I’ve changed it a bit here — mostly to protect the innocent, and possibly to keep the authorities baffled. Being that Ri is my dearest gal pal, I know her well enough to fully expect that she will have misplaced the original. So, I’m committing this version to posterity by posting it on my blog — which will undoubtedly one day be among the finest examples of what our culture was once capable of.  Pfft.. .riiight!

the oath of true freindship

When you are sad —  I will help you get pissed the hell off, dig up dirt on, and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

When you are blueI’ll  try to dislodge whatever is choking you, then remind you that we CHEW our food.

When you smileI  will know you’re thinking of something that I would likely be game to involve myself with – even if questionably wise and only partially legal.

When you are scaredI will call you a wuss, tell you to “man up” and then cover your six.

When you are worriedI will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until  you  STOP WHINING!

When you are confusedI will remind you that this isn’t Mr. Whatshisface’s 11th grade trigonometry class. Unlike that final… we’ll figure this out.

When you are sickStay the hell away from me unless you’re wearing that bio-hazard suit I bought you for Festivus three years ago!

When you fall —  once I’ve stopped laughing my ass off and posting a photo of you on Instagram, I’ll help you up even if that means throwing out my back and ending up on the ground beside you.

When it is your birthday —  I’ll forego the obligatory, hollow Facebook birthday wishes and instead open the whiskey to let it breathe before I toast the best friend and partner in crime any saucy wench of questionable judgment could hope to be blessed with. 

This is my oath… my pledge it to the end. Why?
Because you are my friend.