Category Archives: humor

Caption This: Giveaway

I take too many pictures. There, I’ve confessed. Now that we have that out of the way I’ll make my case for why I feel that, in fact, there is no such thing. 

Snapping away on a recent hike in Maryland’s Patapsco Valley this gem made the roll. It was in a burst series I was using in hopes of getting the damn dog to look at me. As the song goes; you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. 

I needed this laugh. Now I need a caption for the image. That’s where you come in. 

Help me find a great caption for this one and I’ll treat you to what you might need… like a $10 Starbucks gift card. Leave as many comments as you’d like. Each will be an entry. Let’s have some fun and laugh together! 

 

5 ways to stay productive when snowed in

5 ways to stay productive when snowed inDay six. Snow still piled high in streets, on corners and in front of my door. Call it what you will, snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, snowzilla or Jonas*  the blizzard of 2016 has wreaked havoc on the lives of millions hoping to get sh*it done this month. Owning a home-based business I especially understand how real your struggle is, my friends. Let me lend you a hand with 5 ways to stay productive when snowed in.

1. Stick to a Schedule

Hold yourself accountable for how time is spent. You may find that getting things done isn’t quite as hard as you thought.

Getting out of bed at 11 am is perfectly acceptable. You’ll still have time to binge watch Netflix and finish off an entire bag of Cheetos. If you schedule smartly, wine time will come even sooner than you’d hoped.

2. Let Yourself be Creative

Feel like you’re always rushing through the work that needs to be done and just don’t have time for any creative outlets. Use this time to allow some re-connection with your creative side. This sort of cathartic activity can help boost productivity.

Whipping up voodoo dolls in disturbing likenesses to friends who live in Arizona and find it humorous to point out that 71°  is their typical winter day is not only creative but therapeutic. As you stab pins into the little sucker remember that summer is coming to them.

3. Stay on Top of Small Tasks

The volume of laundry that needs to be done when there are 30 inches of snow on the ground can be staggering. Tossing those soggy items into the wash right away will keep them from piling up and sucking valuable time from your day.

Alternately, if they do happen to pile up just toss a clean, dry blanket on top of them. Climb into your Snuggy {we both know you have one, no judgment here} and nap. Repeat items in step one to maximize effectiveness.

4. Exercise

Even a short workout can help you focus, stay on task and get things done. Not to mention it is good for your all total sense of wellbeing when stuck in doors for several days. 

Might I suggest a power walk from the sofa to the fridge and back?

5. Take Time to Organize

Countless studies have proven the beneficial impact that organization can have on your health, productivity and overall happiness. Use some of this time you’ll be stuck at home to organize your work space, clear out your email, cull the clutter and tackle the organizational tasks you just don’t usually have time for.

An organized bar and/or wine cellar will help you ensure that you never find yourself short on stock… you know, in case the blizzard of the freaking century hits!

 

* Seriously National Weather Service if you’re going to bother naming a storm how about not scraping the bottom of the Boy Band barrel, eh? Nothing says, “this is going to be epic…” like a Jonas Brother reference.

 

Quotes to Live and Heal by…

MLK quotes to live and heal byEvery morning starts pretty much the same. Coax myself out from under the covers. Do the getting ready thing, then coffee and news. Lately the news makes me want to Irish up that coffee. So much anger, negativity, pain. My new routine has me searching for some kindness, humanity, hope before I can go on with my day.

I’ve found that quotes are sometimes like anchors, pulling you back to light. I collect them and keep them near. They don’t always do the trick, but taking a few minutes to center my thoughts certainly seems better than allowing them to spiral into sadness or despair.

Don’t go thinking that it’s all hearts and flowers, or yoga mantras. I funny or snarky quote can do the trick too. Also, having friends who “get” your sense of humor helps. One of my favorite sanity breaks is pinning to the board of quotes I created for my bestie, Ri ~ Quotes and Inspiration for Bernie

With today being the day we celebrate the greatness, humility and humanity that was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I thought some quotes to live and heal by may be in order. His words never cease to inspire me and restore my faith that humanity can be found if we choose to tap into it, to be champions of doing the right thing, to walk tall and speak of love alongside justice.

I believe there is a teacher, profit, leader in each of us. It starts with the words we choose to allow into our lives. All it takes is to choose those that have meaning to us, accept them and incorporate them into how we live. 

Accept. Take action…. on my second cup now. See, that was easy!

quotes to live and heal by

 

The Oath of True Friendship

The Oath of True Friendship was originally written on the momentous occasion marking the day LONG ago on which Mrs. Blais graced the world by birthing her youngest daughter. A woman who would go on to achieve heights as meteoric as being anointed my Very Bestest Buddy…  Ri.

I’ve changed it a bit here — mostly to protect the innocent, and possibly to keep the authorities baffled. Being that Ri is my dearest gal pal, I know her well enough to fully expect that she will have misplaced the original. So, I’m committing this version to posterity by posting it on my blog — which will undoubtedly one day be among the finest examples of what our culture was once capable of.  Pfft.. .riiight!

the oath of true freindship

When you are sad —  I will help you get pissed the hell off, dig up dirt on, and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

When you are blueI’ll  try to dislodge whatever is choking you, then remind you that we CHEW our food.

When you smileI  will know you’re thinking of something that I would likely be game to involve myself with – even if questionably wise and only partially legal.

When you are scaredI will call you a wuss, tell you to “man up” and then cover your six.

When you are worriedI will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until  you  STOP WHINING!

When you are confusedI will remind you that this isn’t Mr. Whatshisface’s 11th grade trigonometry class. Unlike that final… we’ll figure this out.

When you are sickStay the hell away from me unless you’re wearing that bio-hazard suit I bought you for Festivus three years ago!

When you fall —  once I’ve stopped laughing my ass off and posting a photo of you on Instagram, I’ll help you up even if that means throwing out my back and ending up on the ground beside you.

When it is your birthday —  I’ll forego the obligatory, hollow Facebook birthday wishes and instead open the whiskey to let it breathe before I toast the best friend and partner in crime any saucy wench of questionable judgment could hope to be blessed with. 

This is my oath… my pledge it to the end. Why?
Because you are my friend.

Regrets… I’ve Had A Few #SwitchersRemorse

“Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention…” ~Frank Sinatra

Oh sure, he only had a few. I’m not buying it Frankie! We’ve all got regrets, I’d wager plenty of them. In my case, far more than I maybe should mention. Like that time in 7th grade I thought I could pull off the Farrah. The Farrah - Switchers Remorse

Yeah, not so much… and my gawd why would any responsible parent allow a child with a forehead that epic to sport a middle part?!

I’d also have to say that I deeply regret the time that I stopped to warm myself – in a towel, post shower – by the wood-burning Franklin Stove in our family room. Who knew the towel would fall? Or that 3rd degree burns on one’s posterior would be far less uncomfortable than having to sit on an inflatable pillow {typically reserved for severe cases of hemorrhoid inflammation in the elderly}  in your 5th grade home room for a month. 

Here is another one; not listening to my inner three-year-old when I hit my teen years and my friends convinced me to go say, “Hi” to the Mall Santa. Though, that regret has spared my kids many an awkward holiday photo.

Not listening to your inner 3 year old - Switchers RemorseSee Frankie, I’ve already gotten through a few regretful moments, and we aren’t even past puberty. I’m starting to question the authenticity of those lyrics, Mr. Chairman. “Too few to mention…” my burnt butt!

Heck, I’ve got nearly endless regrets when it comes to hair alone. The Farrah. The High-Low. The Berlin. The Rachel…. THE SIDE PONY! 

The Side Pony - Switcher Remorse Regrets are what makes life interesting, if you ask me. If we never tried something new {or that latest – regrettable – trend}  and failed miserably at it, how would we ever appreciate the moments of triumph? Or those even more rare, good hair days? 

When that final curtain starts to draw, I want to know that I’ve lived a life that was full of regrets turned into belly laughs, wild stories, and wisdom gained to pass on.  To sit, surrounded by family and friends, and laugh about a life well-lived, THAT will be doing it my way.

Disclosure: As a member of a very cool team of influencers for Verizon Wireless I’ve received compensation to think of moments in my life where I made a change (or wish I had – oh, that hair) and share my story with you. #SwitchersRemorse