This week some gathering of one brain trust or the other came out with the results of yet another study on things we everyday Joes and Jills would rather just not hear about. I’m not talking about the breakthrough that suggests the food dye in blue M&Ms can cure spinal injury. It’s believed it can also melt away pounds in minutes if you simply consume the whole 2 pound bag of candy coated chocolate cure alone in a dark closet before anyone knows you’re missing. Okay that part was just wishful thinking. But could you imagine? I’d even be willing to endure the side effects this poor guy got
Yep Nuggetiers he is BLUE! But heck I’d take that if I could loose 50 pounds eating M&Ms! (for the real story, if you’re into that sort of thing, visit
Nope I’m talking about the study (conducted either by childless people or sadists) that tells us the average cost of raising a child in America today. Turns out it’s upwards of $300,000 bucks! And unless your kid can play football, write the next big thing in teen aged (and oft times mom aged) supernatural lit, get appointed to federal office, or can Outwit Outlast and Outplay then you’re never getting a full return on your investment!
Yeah yeah I know, we are not in the parenting business to make money. But I had no idea we’d be in forking over this much when we traded H&M for Handy Many! Just to pour a little salt in the wound here are a few things $300,000 can buy you:
You can rent your own 3 bedroom 2 bath Villa on the island of Santorini, Greece for a year (staff included, BONUS) and still have enough money to buy a boat to island hop while you’re there
Cruise down Canyon drive in Palm Springs in this baby (personally I prefer it to a Pink Cadillac)
Or get something custom designed by her, just for you (sure it’ll likely only buy you a custom pair of socks but it would still be a one of a kind Betsy Johnson and I heart her!)
And if that wasn’t enough I found out that BabyCenter.com has a calculator gadget. So you can find out how much YOUR kid will cost YOU. Mine come in at a whopping $348,418 each! Each people.. I’ve got FOUR KIDS! I can’t even bring myself to add those numbers up.
In the end though I think that listening to #1 compose his own songs and play them on his guitar for me, seeing #2 snuggle up with a book the way her mom does, seeing #3 identify every planet in the solar system at age 4 and having #4 ask me to hold her hand so she can fall asleep is well worth the price tag. Sure we’ll fork out hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise them well and send them off into the world. Only to have them blame every failure in their lives on us, and eventually stick us in an old folks home.. but boy won’t the ride be fun?!
My only request to these beautiful children of ours is, can’t we just split the bill? I’ll pick up the tip!