Hold your horses folks.. this is NOT the Fit Pitchin’ Friday edition where I bust out with my list of top 10 chicks I’d .. well let’s just say it’s not that post. In this case the “MILF” we’re talking about is the Mother In-law I’d Like to Flog. Okay so it’s a stretch but heck a girl has got to worry about her SEO these days.. gag. (I think I threw up in my mouth a little there)
You see, silly me, I thought I’d invite my in-laws down here to the Baltimore burbs for a visit.
-This is the point at which we all pause to shake our heads and say “What was she thinking?”-
Honestly folks I don’t know. I think it’s rather like the phenomenon of child birthing. You have your first kid. It’s nine months of morphing into some sort of bloated alien being followed by hours of endless tearing, pushing and extruding -all just as gross as it sounds- only to be finished off with weeks of sleepless nights and a flap of skin, you’ll never get rid of, where your “abs” used to be.
You’d think we’d learn from this experience and never pop another puppy out. But NO… eventually those memories fade and you find yourself sniffing the scalp of some gurgling drool troll and start longing to do it all over again.
It’s sort of that way with my mother-in-law. She blows in, missing the house that was intended to be dropped on her, stuffs the kids full of candy and sicks her flying monkeys on me. Yet some how, after she’s been gone a few months, I start to think; “The kids need to see Grandma. It’s really not all that bad”.
So I talk my husband into inviting his parents down, masochist that I am, and set upon an epic house cleaning jaunt that will NEVER, in my lifetime, be sufficient. The kids get excited and I get nauseous. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law, yes I seriously do. I know first hand what a real monster-in-law is like and this time around I got lucky. The thing is, this new model is the souped up Passive Aggressive 2000.
Her features include:
- An insulated cooler: Packed with enough meals made in HER kitchen so as to rescue my family from my cooking for the duration of her visit
- Detachable storage: Filled with new white socks because my washer just never seems to work properly “kids need white socks”
- Custom feedback feature: This one is my FAVORITE.. this feature allows the Passive Aggressive 2000 to say things like “Wow you’re really looking well rested. Can I do those dishes for you?” or “You’ve lost weight” (as if) and my personal favorite “You just relax while we’re here, I know how to take care of a house”
We won’t even mention the added bonus of being able to rearrange my cabinets “for easier access” when I’m at the store buying HOOCH! Now don’t you just want to run out and get your own PA 2000 TODAY? Yeah, didn’t think so. Now you can fully appreciate the need for this fit, I’ll be revisiting it Every. Time. I get the urge to invite the MILF over.
Now it’s your turn.. what to you need to pitch a fit about this Friday?
Note: I really and truly do adore my mother-in-law despite, and even sometimes because of, her “special” way of doing things. Hell who doesn’t want homemade Manacotti with shrimp sauce? HELLO!