Category Archives: Fits Pitched

Fit Pitchin’ Friday… I’m back and I’m Pitchin’ it!

In an attempt to compensate for the long absence of fits from what was supposed to be my weekly fit fest, today will be a mixed bag of things that make me want to scream, flip the bird at unsuspecting strangers, jump up and down like a two year old demanding I get what I know to be just and fair… and seeing as how the preceding three items are core qualities of individuals elected to public office, I think I’ll be running for something… maybe Grand Poobah of the Mommy blogosphere, no wait I can’t do that the FTC will come after me because of all you evil mom bloggers who force your unsuspecting readers to buy things like blankets with arms in them and invest in wooden nickels.

I guess I’ll just be sticking to a rant o’ random annoyances. Starting with the age old lesson I was reminded of yesterday. It is in fact a great universal truth, that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Or in my case dinner. With near manic enthusiasm Wednesday, I called friends, emailed acquaintances and spent nearly 237 hours getting my coupons to print from a certain world wide poultry pusher whom shall remain anonymous to protect the jackasses who star in this tale of woe and waiting in line. Coupon gold in hand, ready to cash in on 2 free pieces of bird, 2 sides of coronary complication and a fluffy bit of the carb equivalent to crack, I pulled into the parking lot of the aforementioned establishment. My first indicator that perhaps I should opt for oh say ANYWHERE ELSE… was the droves of people marching towards the doors, with the self same coupon in hand. Not to be deterred, after all FREE is quite likely a holistic cure for all that ails, I joined the line. A line that I might mention reminded me of the line for the women’s restroom at every concert and sporting event I’ve ever attended, e.g. far to long and populated with a minimum of 30 agitated women waiting for 2 places to do “business”. Still the heavenly smell of frying chicken fat enrobed in, well lets just say several herbs and spices, kept me rooted to my spot in line. Then 3 hungry and cheap people ahead of me in the line I over heard a woman shout, and yes I mean shout***WARNING*** I’m quoting here, so you might want to rethink reading a loud to the kids as usual (HA) “Wha’d da hell you talkin bout?! That dam coupon says Manager’s Choice for Chicken not the sides you ass hole what you ignant?”… no joke people that was actually shouted in mixed company, swoon..fain..I think I have the vapors Rhet. It seems that the very flustered and incompetent man who had the ill fate of posing as a manager at this establishment had arbitrarily decided to limit the choice of sides to coleslaw and mashed potatoes… Say it ain’t so Joe! Really I expect that if you are offering me a free meal I’d at least be extended the courtesy to choose what I’d like to consume as accompaniment! The situation then degraded into name calling (which I will not repeat do to the fragile sensibilities of some, not ME, but some). The tension then escalated so that a closing of the line to further persons with coupon in hand was decreed by the dunce-n-chief. WHA? Well in the end I got my very tasty (honestly it was good) chicken but I also got a huge headache, thus NO SUCH THING AS A FREE DINNER.

You may not know it but I do actually have some very strong opinions on… well everything… shocked aren’t ya? That said I just can’t let this one go. It seems that our Supreme 9 Stooges passed gas in the form of a new ruling this week. As it turns out federal identity theft laws will not apply to illegal immigrants who use a stolen social security number to establish an identity, enabling them to work and live ILLEGALLY in this country unless they know that the social security number belongs to an actual person… (pause for my brain to get around this one) SO what they are saying is that, for example, Vladamir the Russian mob kingpin steals my 15 year old son’s SSN, gets credit cards, loans, property and defaults on all of it while in the midst of conducting a one man tri-state crime wave all he’s got to do is say he wasn’t aware that the SSN he obtained fraudulently belonged to my son and he’s off the hook?!!!!! Man if I were Martha Stuart I’d be putting some choco-lax in their brownies! Oh, and yeah it’s no big if the kid’s credit is ruined before he turns 21. Or that he might forever have a criminal record linked to his SSN unless he goes through the root canal that is obtaining a new one. Even after that there are no guarantees, we have a government that taxes dead people like an M. Night Shamalan movie plot…”I see auditors”. In the end I guess the point the Stooges are trying to make goes something like this. After all America is the great melting pot right? And all persons who immigrate here illegally are always just humble, law abiding, gardeners and housekeepers here to make a better life for their families. Their rights should be protected like ducklings in a storm drain, be darned all us legal citizens.

Dear, USA Network… I am now boycotting your entire line of programing and anything that you might have any hand or have sneezed on in the past year. After you cancelled The 4400 with no announcement or resolution, leaving me wondering “When does next season start and who will develop powers what powers next?”. For this I forgave you. I even over looked the fact that, that show was the only one that I alone in this household of Simpson’s fans and The Office watchers enjoyed. I missed my evenings alone in my bedroom, door closed with a glass of wine, sitting in blissful quite basking in the TV’s warm glowing warming glow. But just when I had healed enough to finally make an emotional investment in The Starter Wife. What did you do?! THE SAME DAM THING AGAIN!! I’m nobodies fool bub and you aren’t gonna have me to kick around anymore, we are through! -Disgruntled DiPaola Momma (P.S. I’ll come back though if you change your mind, I’m a sadist that way)

Hello makers of the ACME squirrel trap that has now become the focal point of my beautiful back yard deck. I suspect that you are aware of the flaws in the design of your product. By that I mean that the squirrels are smarter than the trap. My otherwise wonderfully intelligent and rational husband was buoyed by the capture of the first two rodent prisoners of war in his ongoing Squirrel Skirmish. Yet the sweet taste of victory was short lived. I’ll add here that no prisoners were subject to water boarding or endless hours of Celine Dion. They were both released to a nice park miles from here. No squirrels where harmed in the pitching of this fit. It seems that the enemy has now deciphered the code to getting the peanut butter out of the trap without tripping it. I hold you, ACME Squirrel traps, liable for the hundreds of times my husband has painstakingly reset that freaking trap. For the hours spent checking for incoming enemy scouts on the garden fence. And for my children’s new daily pilgrimage to the back door to check for new prisoners. PLEASE someone out there, make a better mouse/squirrel trap!


FIT PITCHED! now it’s your turn

It’s Fit Pitchin’ Friday.. YEAH!!

I’m baaaaack! here is my fit for this Friday.. don’t forget to pitch your own.. start the weekend off with a clean slate!!

Evil thy name is, Lighted 10x magnifying mirror!

You lurk behind the facade of “Things that sound good in theory”, much like flip flops for men. Yet just like that nightmare shoved between toes in desperate need of a pedicure they’ll never get, you shed unflattering light on things better left to the recesses of a disturbed dream.

You sit upon my bathroom counter top, smugly staring back at me. Your silent judgment etched into the topographical map that now obscures my once sinewy visage. A face sprouting fear of the approaching years, much like the hairs encroaching upon my chin and upper lip.

Yet I find myself drawn, as moth to flame, to your judgmental stare every morning. A hopeless slave to this codependent relationship of ours. Plucking, popping, squeezing and spackleing my way to an uneasy truce with the old fart within. Whom, these days seems to be gaining the upper hand in this battle. Emerging ever more victorious with each passing day.

Try though I may. I can’t be rid of your evil scourge, lest I resign to forfeit this war. So darn you! Darn you all to heck!!

What the HELL is THAT growing from my NECK?!!!

It’s HERE!! Fit Pitchin’ Friday!!!

(WARNING I have my player set on start up play turn it off if you must, scroll down to the bottom of my blog and click the mute button)

Since I launched Fit Pitchin’ Friday (a fortnight and 7 days ago) the list of things to pitch it over grows. Like being asked to choose between an unsupervised visit to the Hershey factory or a 30 minute grab all you can shopping spree at DSW shoes.. it was nearly impossible to decide! So as I sit at my keyboard this morning (bowl of kisses and new strappy sandals at my side) I’ve let the calendar do the choosin’ today. In honor of St. Patrick’s day, my fit is fitting of the grand ol’ occasion.

See I’m Irish, not “Kiss Me I’m Irish” or GREEN BEER (bleh, why do people feel it’s necessary to adulterate a perfectly good libation with FOOD DYE?!) Irish but really and truly (2nd generation born in the states) Irish. St. Padraig’s day was always a pretty big deal around my Da’s house.

I’m doing my best to pass that down to my kids. Though my efforts stop at actually putting boiled cabbage and corned beef (which by the way is NOT Irish fare, but Jewish) in my mouth. Sure I’ll cook it, for some reason the hubby eats it, but then again he is the same man who mixes tuna fish and KETCHUP!!

(brief fit pause to consider getting his taste buds checked)

So here is the thing, as I age (with little grace) it gets harder for me to tolerate “traditional” St. Pat’s day pastimes. Why is it that we celebrate the heritage of the Irish with ONE day, the best of which we can say we ate Jewish food, drank too much green beer, sported puce in public and pinched people who didn’t?!

Other great cultures that make up the fondue that is me and you (cool melting pot metaphor huh?) get an entire MONTH?! Still others, like the Italians have enough moxy to have organizations like the Italian American Anti Defamation League. Don’t wear a polyester track suit and call my husband’s childhood pal Vito, a goomba in front of them ya mook! Then there are those that have entire chain restaurants serving up their culture (yo quiero una chalupa). Okay so I’ll concede that for the most part one does not consider a people who fled famine in their homeland because the potato crop died and they couldn’t figure out what else to eat, the culinary gifted. But hey I’ll take me some champ to the damnation of my arteries any day!

We Irish Americans are so much more. I just find it annoying that the Irish helped build the foundation for this country, defended her to the death, fought oppression and prejudice so stifling that it was common to hear the term “Irish need not apply”, all while doing their best to keep their culture alive.. and how do we remember the Irish on our day (not month, but DAY)?

Faith n Begorrah, Turn up the volume on my play list this Tuesday and join me for a Guiness and Harp (aka proper black n’ tan, no BUDWISER in my brew thank you!)… I give up!!!!

Slainte Nuggetiers

Fit Pitchin’ Friday (week two) JOIN IN!

Don’t know what Fit Pitchin’ Friday is? Go read about it Here
It’s pretty easy to decide what to pitch a fit about today THE ECONOMY! It’s gotten so bad that I hesitate to watch the news, which is hard. Can you see me having an adult conversation without my daily news?

Grown-up A: “Did you see what the stock market did today?”
DiPaola Momma: “Why, do we need to send Diego to the rescue?”

Grown-up B: “Dianne Sawyer’s piece on the dental issues of Americans living in Appalachia was moving don’t you think?”
DiPaola Momma: “Dental issues? Don’t they know, the Jojo’s Circus brush your teeth song?”

I get so hot (and not in a good way) when I think about the gall of people like Bernie Madoff and corporate CEOs it’s hard not to want to find the nearest basket of rotten tomatoes and hunt the farging bastages down!

Our power bills in Maryland have sky rocketed, yet the power company says it’s not their fault it’s the wholesale cost of energy… BUT THEY ARE PULLING DOWN RECORD PROFITS!! Our water,trash, and property tax bills have gone up but our state is hurting for cash?! A barrel of oil (as of yesterday) is now $44.10. Did I miss a hurricane or pipeline break? No? So can you tell me why gas continues to go up?! Have you noticed the price of a gallon of milk?!!!

It’s like a vicious circle. Economists tell us that consumers need to spend more to stimulate the economy but we are making less and being charged more for just about everything. I get so ticked that yet again the burden is placed squarely on the shoulders of the middle class. The rich are hoarding their cash like a Rockefeller in one of those cash grab boxes in Vegas. And the old saying “the poor keep getting poorer” stands out more as truth than cliche. I know that several of the Nuggetiers are dealing with job loss and I worry about them. I just get so angry I want to ball up my fists and jump up and down like Daffy Duck

Do you feel like there is a big portion of our population sitting back and saying…

Like always I don’t want to wallow in the negative (though it’s hard these days) so here is SOME nice things coming from corporate America…

Fedex Kinkos will be printing free resumes on March 10th. If you are looking for work this might be a nice break in that cost for ya go visit them HERE.

And I got THIS email from Ben&Jerry’s, though I must confess I have to avoid my Cherry Garcia in deference to my efforts to decrease the size of my BUTT!

Okay I’m done Pitchin’ it, for NOW! Don’t forget my poll on the right sidebar and if you haven’t entered or don’t know what the Woo Hoo Box is, check “My Current Bribes”

Fit Pitchin’ Friday

Far more genius and gifted bloggers than I have created such events as, “Not Me Monday”, “Make something Monday”, “Tuesday’s Tribute”, “Two Cents Tuesdays”, “Wordless Wednesday”, “Thrifty Thursday”…. I dig reading the creative stuff that is spurred on by these prompts.

As most of you know I learned (AGAIN) the hard lesson yesterday that no good deed goes unpunished. So I’ve decided to launch a new blogging prompt. I’m currently working on the first installment and as soon as my techie guru gets back from VEGAS (bum, didn’t take me!), I’ll be begging her for a button.

Today my fellow Nuggetiers, is declared “Fit Pitchin’ Friday”!!! Vent, get it off your chest, moan, complain, fuss, whine, purge! Start the weekend with a clean slate and smack it to those who have ticked ya off this week!

Check back later today for my rant and get yours up. I’m gonna freakin’ give something away dag nabbit!